Saturday, September 27, 2008

Who say's college wouldn't be difficult?

I am currently going to the University Of Phoenix online campus. I am taking a class philosophy 105 and Criminal Justice. I have found this class to be the hardest class I have taken thus far. One reason I have found it to be so rediculous is because I am a christian. Seeing view points from famous philosophers and having to do papers on why God can not be real is really getting under my skin. Having to deal with a instructor who does not help, and does not make any dang sense is impossible to pass. I still have not figured out how in the world I even have an A still. Next week is the final week for this class, and I have a 14 page slide due on is God real? He want's detailed speaker notes along with a bunch of other crap. I think that this class is pointless and I have no interest in it. How is philosophy going to help me in the Criminal Justice field? With having to take my son to school every day, going to physical therapy apointments 3 times a week and having dr. appointments 2 times a week, I seriously have no idea how I am even functioning. I havent slept well in day's and I am under so much stress. The kids can really tell that I have been under stress. I think they can just sense it. If that is not bad enough I am in the process of packing up my apartment. I do not own my own car because my car my mother took when she moved to Wisconsin because it was in her name, and I was paying half of the payments...thats a whole nother story,lol....I have to move because Management told me yesterday that I could not park the car in the parking lot starting monday because it will be towed. I have to have a sticker on the car, in order to park the car here. Mind you that I have lived here for going on 5 years. She tells me that I can not have it parked here, that I can not let my future husband in my apartment to take care of the kids when I am not home. Hmmm... Wow, government housing blows. Here I am trying to take care of my back, going to college, taking care of my kids and I just can not catch a break. I have to park my fiance's car 2 blocks down the street in order to take him to school every day. That means if I do not come up with the money to move not only am I going to be screwed in the winter, I can not have any more appointments ever; while I am living in Wildberry Village. This all started because back at the end of may my son was jumped by 3 kids out side. Mind you my son was only 4 then. Wildberry village stated that no criminal behavior would be tollerated on these grounds. Yet nothing was done about that incident. I am still mad that the manager here lied to me. I did what I was suposed to do. I filed the police report, I took my son to the hospital yet her promise that some thing would be done has never been full filled. I think it is messed up that she has people living here that have people living with them that sell drugs night and day...People out side throwing parties until 5 am. People fighting constantly. Don't think that I want to be here. If I was out of college at this very moment I would get us out of here. I am trying to better my childrens lives. I just hope that the generational curse, of constantly being broke and amounting to nothing does not pass on. It was stopped with my generation. I am doing every thing that I can do to get us up out of here. Calling the cops around here is pointless. Here I am going into criminal Justice, for what? What the hell do they do? Screw every one around them by not doing their jobs? Thanks to chet epperson the police chief, nothing is getting done any where. More irrisponsible spending by the Governor and the candidates for president arnt much better than who we have now. Just because they say that is what they want to change; means absolutly nothing once they are in office. I honestly do not even want to be apart of voting this year because we are screwed either way. Our economy is terrible and I can barley afford to feed my family let alone put gas in the car. The great depression does not seem that far off. Everyone is losing their homes to forclosure because people are losing their jobs because their companies can not afford to pay them. Shame on the Government of the United States of America for getting us to this point. I have been following the election this year, and I am not impressed.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Am I really Super Mom?

I went to the Dr. Monday afternoon. I went to see a Neurological Surgeon for my back. I have been having problems with my back since 2004 when I was involved in a back end car collision. I have had one previous surgery that did nothing to help...So I go and see Dr. Freeman....Well actually I went to see a Dr. Crute but she had gotten called away for an emergency...So this Dr. Freeman comes into my room after me waiting for an hour( During my wait I kept thinking about all the stuff I am going to have to do once I get home) So he comes in and asked me where I hurt..(.If I could tell this man every place I hurt I swear he would think I am I explain that I was mopping my kitchen floor and I went to sit on the couch after I was done and I was in instant pain..He looks at me,( I wonder what he is thinking?) and asked me what other Doctors have done for me? I tell him that they always send me home with medicine and tell me to rest..Ha! If you know me, you know that my kids have me on the go constantly. So I explain what was hurting and why I came to his office. After a small check up, he asked me...Do you want to know what is wrong with you?( Umm...Durrr of course...wait, there is something wrong with me?)He takes me into the hall way where there are mri pictures pulled up on a desktop...(please don't tell me that some thing is seriously wrong, I don't think I can handle this alone) He begins to explain to me that I have a large tare going through my L3 disc and the tissue around it is was torn as well.( This can not be happening to me again, how am I going to get through this one?) I felt a bit faint. That would explain the instant pain, the constant throbbing and my emotional state. The Dr. tells me to go home, with medicine and rest for 3 weeks. ( As I am walking out of his office, the only thing I could think about is...I don't have time for this...What about my kids?) He goes on to state that if I am not down for three weeks and I let my self get worse, than I am looking at surgery in about 4 weeks.( Gosh, can I please catch a break). I get to my car and I am thinking to my self: why this again? As I am driving I am starting to cry because the last time that I went through this I was completely dependent on my family for everything, especially to help me take care of my son. Even if I rest for the three weeks( which is impossible, especially because I have two small children) there will still be that chance that I may need back surgery again. See, I have degenerative disc disease and spinal scoliosis and also spinal steno sis. My disc's from my L1 through my S1 area, there are hardly any disc's left. I am only 21, how can I live like this. I strive to make it through a day to take care of my children. God and my children are what make me get out of bed every morning and pretend that I am not in god awful pain all of the time. I have been through so much, at such a young age. I can only hope that by me being a super mom, that I will get through this...( If I think about it, If I can be a darn good mom at 16 and then again for my second at 19 I know I can do this!) It will be a cake walk...Super easy because I am a super mom.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Children and the color of their skin? Should it really matter at such a young age? Should it matter at all??

At what age do children really notice the color of other people's skin? My son at 4 years old learned the hard way that not all children go un noticed. On may 31st, my son was held down by three children and beaten. He was screaming for me, and I could not get to him fast enough. When I got to him he was hurting pretty bad. Later that night my son asked me what the N word was. How do you explain that to a 4 year old? Why should I even have to? These children that did this to him were 2 years older than my son, and they talk like that? You have to be kidding me. My son is Bi racial. He is mixed with both white and black. He is of a liter complexion than other mixed children. I guess he takes after me. I do not understand how a child that young could even have heard that kind of language from a 6 year old? I can only hope that he did not learn that from home. My son now has been trying to scratch his skin off because he wishes he was a different color. When I asked him why he did not like his skin color he told me that the kids made fun of him. He told me that he wishes he was daddy's color. His father is african american and of a darker complexion. I told my son that he was perfect just the way he is. I think some how deep inside that I know it was not going to be ok. I hurt every time my kids hurt. I eats me up inside to know that at the young age of 6, those children are already acting out in such a manner. What is going to happen when those children are 5 years older and completly out of control. Who's falt will that be? Society's for not stepping up and doing something about it while they are still young? The child's parents for rasing their children to be racist towards other people at such a young age? Who do you blame for the troubled youth that people dismiss all of the time? Who do you turn to, to make sure this never happens to my son again? The police were called and my son was taken to the hospital. He had deep internal bruising. The police say that there is nothing that can be done to these children because they are not 8 years old. I guess in Illinois the child must be 8 years old to be taken to Juvenille. The parents still have not been notified so who is to really blame here? The justice system? The parents, maybe? Why should my son suffer because children are running around with no supervision being hellions....It is not right and I am going to fight this until I can not longer do so. My son will see justice for what happend to him. I will make sure that these parents will be held accountable for their childrens actions. I am stunned to know that this happend with children so young. I know there is something that I can do to stop these crimes from happening. Hold on Son, I am here to help.....