Thursday, June 12, 2008

Am I really Super Mom?

I went to the Dr. Monday afternoon. I went to see a Neurological Surgeon for my back. I have been having problems with my back since 2004 when I was involved in a back end car collision. I have had one previous surgery that did nothing to help...So I go and see Dr. Freeman....Well actually I went to see a Dr. Crute but she had gotten called away for an emergency...So this Dr. Freeman comes into my room after me waiting for an hour( During my wait I kept thinking about all the stuff I am going to have to do once I get home) So he comes in and asked me where I hurt..(.If I could tell this man every place I hurt I swear he would think I am I explain that I was mopping my kitchen floor and I went to sit on the couch after I was done and I was in instant pain..He looks at me,( I wonder what he is thinking?) and asked me what other Doctors have done for me? I tell him that they always send me home with medicine and tell me to rest..Ha! If you know me, you know that my kids have me on the go constantly. So I explain what was hurting and why I came to his office. After a small check up, he asked me...Do you want to know what is wrong with you?( Umm...Durrr of course...wait, there is something wrong with me?)He takes me into the hall way where there are mri pictures pulled up on a desktop...(please don't tell me that some thing is seriously wrong, I don't think I can handle this alone) He begins to explain to me that I have a large tare going through my L3 disc and the tissue around it is was torn as well.( This can not be happening to me again, how am I going to get through this one?) I felt a bit faint. That would explain the instant pain, the constant throbbing and my emotional state. The Dr. tells me to go home, with medicine and rest for 3 weeks. ( As I am walking out of his office, the only thing I could think about is...I don't have time for this...What about my kids?) He goes on to state that if I am not down for three weeks and I let my self get worse, than I am looking at surgery in about 4 weeks.( Gosh, can I please catch a break). I get to my car and I am thinking to my self: why this again? As I am driving I am starting to cry because the last time that I went through this I was completely dependent on my family for everything, especially to help me take care of my son. Even if I rest for the three weeks( which is impossible, especially because I have two small children) there will still be that chance that I may need back surgery again. See, I have degenerative disc disease and spinal scoliosis and also spinal steno sis. My disc's from my L1 through my S1 area, there are hardly any disc's left. I am only 21, how can I live like this. I strive to make it through a day to take care of my children. God and my children are what make me get out of bed every morning and pretend that I am not in god awful pain all of the time. I have been through so much, at such a young age. I can only hope that by me being a super mom, that I will get through this...( If I think about it, If I can be a darn good mom at 16 and then again for my second at 19 I know I can do this!) It will be a cake walk...Super easy because I am a super mom.

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